Happy Monday!

Well, maybe not happy, but it’s Monday anyway.

Since it’s Monday, I have to tell you something you don’t know about me today. We had a deal, right? So, here goes.

I’m afraid of spiders. All of them. I know I shouldn’t be, unless it’s some kind of crazy jumping spider on crack or steroids (OMG!) but I can’t help it. They’re everywhere, and half the time (maybe more often than that) you don’t even realize it. They’re above your head, under the couch, on the porch with a web ACROSS THE BOTTOM OF YOUR CHAIR!

They’re also hairy and have weird little beady eyes. Some of them, when you try to go around them, spin their little exoskeleton covered bodies to follow you. Like they’re ready for war or something. And really, when you think about that, isn’t it terrifying? You’re the Jolly Green Giant and they’re the size of a pea (or strawberry – ACK!) and they’re still totally willing to take you on. No matter that you could step on them and crush them, suck them into a vacuum, poke them with a stick or dump molasses on them to drown them (okay, no one’s doing that, it was far-fetched. I know). The point is, it would be so EASY for you to squash them like the little bug they are – and they don’t care.

They think they have a shot at beating you, kicking your ass, or at least making your hand swell up like a softball  (I’ve seen pics, it’s true) and they’ll risk that they might get stomped. Doesn’t that make you just a teensy bit nervous?

It’s like that kid in middle school that was three foot nothing, but had those crazy-assed eyes. You didn’t *think* he could hurt you, but he might’ve been carrying ether and a roll of duct tape in that backpack and you left him alone. It’s the possibility that’s terrifying.

My friend (a big, scary-looking guy) tried to tell me earlier today how valuable they are, that they eat the BAD bugs, and that I would be a walking blood donor for mosquitoes if they weren’t here. And maybe I would be, but I’m not afraid of mosquitoes so I don’t really give a rat’s furry ass about that. I mean I appreciate what spider’s do, I just want them to do it out of sight. It’s not that much to ask.

Luckily, I have a fearless, crazy, hypersensitive-to-anything-that-moves cat, so he takes care of them for me most of the time. Thank goodness for Thief Cat!

Thief cat is too busy to thieve….

It’s officially Spring. Not only because it technically is, but also because it actually feels like it, looks like it, smells like it, and sounds like it. I’m loving it, but Trigger the Thief Cat? Not so much.

He now spends his days in various window sills, accidentally slamming his head into the windows  as he desperately tries to catch the birds and chipmunks on the other side. His tail swishes furiously, he makes little chattering noises, and he’s so tense you could probably pick him up and he wouldn’t change position.

You would think he’d get some relief at night, right? Sadly, no. There are moths and other various night insects fluttering against the windows. He sits in front of the front door, twitching, then lunges straight up like Jordan. Sometimes he actually reaches the top of the window (Daaaaamn that cat can jump!) before realizing there’s nothing to grab onto. He hits the ground (on his feet of course – he IS a cat) and starts all over. Try writing with that going on all day!

He can’t sleep on his cat tower anymore. Too many bird noises outside of his window. Now the poor little guy has to retreat to the dark guest room for sleep, where he burrows UNDER the pillows to get some rest midday. (Don’t worry, I’ll wash everything if I have a guest.) It’s funny, but I kinda feel bad for him. I’m not sure he was previously a country cat, and maybe he didn’t know what he was in for?

I hope all of you are enjoying our spring weather and that your animals aren’t giving themselves brain damage by running into windows!

Thank you to all of you that have visited, liked, and are following my blog. I’m shocked at how many of you there are! Take a minute and check out my other posts for my upcoming book – Courage – releasing the end of this month. There are teasers!

Also, if you don’t want to leave a public comment (though I hope you’ll change your mind), or you have any questions, please feel free to email me @ TLNicholas@live.com. I would love to hear from you!

I Haz a Thief Cat

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I’d like to introduce you all to Trigger the Troubling Thief Cat. What is a Thief Cat, you ask? We’ll get to that. I promise.

First though, I have to explain who Trigger is. He was a sad little SPCA cat named Chaplin. When hubby picked him up on Black Friday, and he nuzzled into him like a warm, fuzzy barnacle, we just had to bring him home. Who wouldn’t? I mean, look at him. Isn’t he sweet? If you said no you have to look again. Maybe from an angle?

Anyway, he’s a sweetie. We brought him home and figured he’d need a few days to adjust.

Nope.

We thought he’d be afraid of our dogs, a two hundred and thirty pound Great Pyrenees and an ..ahem.. chubby Golden Retriever.

Nope.

The kids running around and making noise as children do?

Nuh-uh.

What we never imagined was that he would be a thief.

The first time he stole, it was an entire slice of pizza. He took it off the counter, still hot, when hubby turned away for a moment. He took off through the house like a rocket, and by the time we caught up to him upstairs, he’d already scarfed down half of it.

We (mostly) broke him of getting on the counters, and were more careful.

Then he stole one of my daughter’s barbies. She was playing with it, but apparently he wanted to play with it more. We took it back and laughed at foolish little Chaplin.

We didn’t realize how serious his affliction was until I decided to wash his bed. Now, his bed lives under a bench in our foyer, as he seemed to like it there. I found out why. His bed has a cushion that is removable and when I removed it, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! An array of hijacked treasures, that frankly, make no sense for a cat.

A hair tie.

A spoon.

A fork.

An empty pudding cup.

A necklace.

A Polly Pocket doll.

Even a partially eaten chunk of ham (yeah, that was disturbing).

It was clear he was far more stealthy than we had given him credit for. And he desired very odd things, for a cat. Possibly for anyone. We knew he had been a stray, and it makes me wonder where his stash is now. I’m sure he had one. He is endlessly entertaining and incredibly resourceful. Take his hiding spot away? He’ll find another. Take something from him before he can get it there? He’ll take two more for spite.

He’s fast as lightening and very hard to keep up with. Last night he stole a pen from right next to my hand, and it took fifteen minutes to find where he’d stashed it. (Behind the toy box in the playroom, if you’re wondering.)

When he’s not stealing he has many other things he likes to do, and he’s quite entertaining.

So – I’ve decided to start the Thief Cat Chronicles. Once a week we’ll see what he’s been up to, what he’s been stealing, what trouble he’s been getting into. He definitely likes his trouble. I hope you’ll follow along, and share some stories of what your crazy animals do. I look forward to hearing about your furbabies!