Happy Monday!

Well, maybe not happy, but it’s Monday anyway.

Since it’s Monday, I have to tell you something you don’t know about me today. We had a deal, right? So, here goes.

I’m afraid of spiders. All of them. I know I shouldn’t be, unless it’s some kind of crazy jumping spider on crack or steroids (OMG!) but I can’t help it. They’re everywhere, and half the time (maybe more often than that) you don’t even realize it. They’re above your head, under the couch, on the porch with a web ACROSS THE BOTTOM OF YOUR CHAIR!

They’re also hairy and have weird little beady eyes. Some of them, when you try to go around them, spin their little exoskeleton covered bodies to follow you. Like they’re ready for war or something. And really, when you think about that, isn’t it terrifying? You’re the Jolly Green Giant and they’re the size of a pea (or strawberry – ACK!) and they’re still totally willing to take you on. No matter that you could step on them and crush them, suck them into a vacuum, poke them with a stick or dump molasses on them to drown them (okay, no one’s doing that, it was far-fetched. I know). The point is, it would be so EASY for you to squash them like the little bug they are – and they don’t care.

They think they have a shot at beating you, kicking your ass, or at least making your hand swell up like a softball  (I’ve seen pics, it’s true) and they’ll risk that they might get stomped. Doesn’t that make you just a teensy bit nervous?

It’s like that kid in middle school that was three foot nothing, but had those crazy-assed eyes. You didn’t *think* he could hurt you, but he might’ve been carrying ether and a roll of duct tape in that backpack and you left him alone. It’s the possibility that’s terrifying.

My friend (a big, scary-looking guy) tried to tell me earlier today how valuable they are, that they eat the BAD bugs, and that I would be a walking blood donor for mosquitoes if they weren’t here. And maybe I would be, but I’m not afraid of mosquitoes so I don’t really give a rat’s furry ass about that. I mean I appreciate what spider’s do, I just want them to do it out of sight. It’s not that much to ask.

Luckily, I have a fearless, crazy, hypersensitive-to-anything-that-moves cat, so he takes care of them for me most of the time. Thank goodness for Thief Cat!